Four tactics for dealing with a difficult coworker
You encounter difficult people of all shapes and sizes in your work. With these four amazingly simple tactics, that awkward, annoying coworker suddenly isn’t so bad and you can be assertive and skilled at dealing with difficult people.
They come in all flavors: arrogant people, quiet types, people who like to hear themselves talk, or who are just very aloof and quiet. Dealing with difficult people, difficult customers and annoying coworkers often takes a lot of effort and energy. You notice that working together is difficult and you prefer to avoid these types. With these four tactics, it suddenly isn’t that bad. Just try it out!
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What is troublesome or difficult behavior anyway?
Someone does not get up in the morning to deliberately give you a nasty day, but sometimes it can seem that way to you. How does that actually happen? Just from the old days: there was a time when you could not do something, for example, speak Spanish. Perhaps you thought, “I’ll never learn that.” Everyone around you seemed to be able to do it so easily, but you didn’t understand anything those Spanish talking people were saying to you.
Gradually, as you learned the language, you understood the laguage better and better during your vacation and could even have a nice conversation with them. So it works the same way with communicating with difficult people, difficult customers and grouchy coworkers: it becomes a lot easier when you learn to speak “their language.”
We don’t understand each other sometimes
People are different from each other. With some people we instantly ‘click’, with others it is as if we communicate on a different wavelength. We simply don’t understand each other because the other person thinks and acts so differently than we do. The complicated thing about communication is that we don’t know what the other person is thinking, feeling or meaning.
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We interpret others’ behavior from our own perspective and with our own experiences, needs and intentions. We often then label this as awkward or difficult behavior. We fill in, noise and miscommunication ensues.
Dealing with annoying colleagues, for example, becomes a lot easier when you start to better understand the underlying need of the other person. You can then start tuning in to the other person and with that the relationship and communication will be a lot more harmonious.
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it is important to take action
It’s important to take action. Waiting for the other person to ‘change’ only causes annoyance, especially with yourself, because the other person is often unaware of any wrongdoing. So there is really only one simple conclusion: the easiest person to change is yourself. So if you are bothered by the other person’s “grouchy” behavior, it is up to you to be more assertive and do something about it.
ScienceTrend
Addressing Toxicity in the Workplace
Toxicity in the workplace occurs when people operate out of fear, greed, jealousy, anger, arrogance, shame or a range of other difficult and dys-regulated emotions. A manager can address this.(Etmanski 2022)
Four reliable tactics for dealing with a difficult coworker
Below are some well-known “types” of difficult people, difficult customers and annoying coworkers with tips on how to deal with them. They are conversation techniques in dealing with difficult people.
Tactic 1 for the “domineering and overbearing boor”
Resist! The dominant and arrogant boor tends to push the limit and go over it if he is not given a backlash. He (and certainly there are also she’s) wants to win and enjoys sparring with others, preferably on an equal level. This is what he (the dominant boor) is actually saying to you when he rants at you like this, and what he wants you to do:
- Don’t chat about me and don’t damage my confidence.
- Don’t take my assertiveness as a personal attack.
- Accept that I get angry easily and remember that this too will soon be over (forgive and forget).
- Stand up for yourself.
- Show your confidence and be strong and direct.
- Don’t beat around the bush.
Tactic 2 for the “interactive and nattering optimist”
The interactive and “nattering” optimist likes to make himself heard. Listening and having a good conversation is not his strong point. He uses many words to reinforce his story, but forgets the coherence of his story. So grab the floor yourself otherwise he will keep talking. This is what he would say to you how you should deal with him:
- Give me friendship, affection and show interest.
- Entertain me with stimulating stories and sociability.
- Appreciate my wild imagination and listen to my anecdotes.
- Don’t try to change me, accept me.
- Be independent and don’t make yourself dependent on me.
- Let me go my way if I want to.
Tactic 3 for the “balanced and circumspect doubter”
The balanced and circumspect doubter prefers to hide rather than seek the center of attention. Standing up for his own opinions is not his strong point and he can therefore come across as somewhat insecure. This is what he would say how to deal with him in the language he speaks:
- Approach me carefully and nicely, I don’t like surprises.
- Don’t abuse my kindness.
- Let me finish, even if it doesn’t make sense to your ears.
- Allow me time to finish my projects and make my decisions (if you rush me do it with a friendly nudge).
- Show that you like me.
- Show that you appreciate what I do and say.
Tactic 4 for the “meticulous and reserved perfectionist”
The meticulous and reserved perfectionist likes privacy and will only settle for a 10, so quality is paramount, which can be difficult for people who are more quantity oriented. He needs a lot of information so he can make a complete analysis of the situation. Phrases like “Just believe me” often backfire.
You will find that when you give him more information the cooperation/relationship will go much better. This is what he would say how you should deal with him:
- Grant me time to be alone and analyze my thoughts.
- Speak to me honestly and sincerely and be complete.
- Remember, I only appear distant and unpleasant because I don’t want to be rushed.
- Don’t joke about it, I won’t take you seriously anymore.
- If I get irritated, it’s because I can’t express myself.
- Remember, I hate receptions and loud people.
- Give me my privacy.
> About collaborating with your (sometimes difficult) colleague, I created a free E-book for you.
So that annoying colleague …
If you manage to properly assess those difficult colleagues, you also know how to address them and speak their language. You can see that in essence it’s not that difficult to tune in. But one thing is clear: You’re not going to change those difficult colleagues. Just ask yourself how likely you are to change them. Very small, right? They are the way they are, and have developed a style over the years that apparently suits them well….
What you can change is how you look at them and how you assertively deal with a difficult colleague. Once you start speaking the other person’s language, they will begin to appreciate you. In fact, you suddenly get a lot done. Who said again that you have a difficult colleague?
In short
4 tactics for dealing with your difficult colleague
- With dominant types: counteract
- On the eternal rambling: take the floor yourself
- For doubters: give him/her some time
- For perfectionists: don’t rush
Are you bothered by a difficult colleague and would you like to learn to deal with it better? With our 1-on-1 assertiveness training “in 40 days more assertive” we will help you.
Free discovery call
Lacking assertiveness or selfconfidence?
Does it inhibit you at work and want to get rid of that? That's possible with our 40 days individual coaching program. Lets meet, see if we have a 'click' and if I can help you.
